"Common sense is very important in ghost research."

I find this quote amusing because it is well known that when the brain thinks about ghosts it undergoes clownossification. For those not familiar with clownossification ...

Piggy holds the conch....

I once met a man who is determined to swim the Bering Strait. Unlike Lynne Cox who swam the Strait between Diomede Islands, about 2.5 miles apart, Mr. Stellant Gregory of 54 New Court Drive, proposes to swim the 50 or so miles between Alaska and Russia proper.

Mr. Gregory has been in training for his remarkable event since 1987, some 22 years for those educated in public school. He has invested approximately $737,239 in bagged ice ...

I take great comfort in statistics that bespeak the relative cleanliness of toilet seats. Therefore, I will not catch an embarrassing disease from public bathrooms.

My dog's name is Molly, therefore I have pickles between my toes.

I hate clowns, therefore you are in space.

No, no, [chuckle, chuckle] I'm not crazy. These seemingly irrational ...

Clowns are not happy with their bodies. That is why they paint their faces and wear big, baggy pants.

If you meet a clown in civilian dress on the street, you won't know it's a clown. If you meet a naked clown, you ...

Once upon a time there were some people who called themselves "programmers" and they ticked me off because I'm a programmer.

These people wrote "program" code in a bizarre and utterly nauseating language called "Visual Basic." They also didn't smell like ...

The same holds for ....

I have an awful dictionary. I do not replace it. Why do I not replace it? Because my dictionary is Webster's NEW WORLD Dictionary and so I don't want to miss out on being part of the new world.

My dictionary describes the word jive as ...

The town rose up to meet him on that pivotal day in '47 when Don Kilwin strode in off the snowy plain, riding coat whipping in the cold Northern Michigan winter winds. Don Kilwin knew the odds were stacked against him. He knew it when he set off on foot, a hole already in his boot, from the Orinoco basin carrying only his dream and the Black Bean.

He knew, however, that he could not sit idly licking his lips in his tropical paradise knowing how she suffered in the frozen wastes of the deep north. He was, after all, not called Don for nothing, and it was time he lived up to that which was heaped upon him by the Amazonian Queen, Beanutt, ...

I don't have time to be making "special moments."

Special moments are for special people, or for people who care. They are also for clowns. Clowns are neither special nor do they care, except the cubic ones. Cube-shaped clowns are special, but only because they are cubic.

If you cube a clown, you still only have one clown. In fact, no matter what power you give a clown, you will still only have one clown. Neither does a clown's specialness, if it is so blessed as to possess specialness, increase if you force an increase up its exponent.

And that brings us to today's topic. Special moments have a smell like ...