ColickyClown
- Opinions
  - Silly Socks Says

Silly Socks Says

Kasey the Kinderbot's Evil Twin

August 13, 2006

There are a lot of vile toys for preschool children. I am sad to say that Kasey the Kinderbot ...

Crowds Like Candy

August 20, 2006

During Christmas time, the crowds gather around the squares in the towns around our house when the parades are scheduled to meander by. As they march by, scouts and dancers, cadets and clowns, politicians and DJ's throw candy at the people. This is how they demonstrate the Spirit of Christmas to the masses.

Cheesy Bagel Surprise

August 23, 2006

I am, at present, typing, drinking Sake and eating a cheesy bagel surprise. The surprise is ...

People for the Pulverization of Pluto

August 27, 2006

I hate Pluto. I always have. So you can imagine my delight when I read that Pluto ...

If They Aren't Testable, They Aren't Requirements

August 27, 2007

Once upon a time there were some people who called themselves "programmers" and they ticked me off because I'm a programmer.

These people wrote "program" code in a bizarre and utterly nauseating language called "Visual Basic." They also didn't smell like ...

Articulating the Numisma

January 10, 2010

"Common sense is very important in ghost research."

I find this quote amusing because it is well known that when the brain thinks about ghosts it undergoes clownossification. For those not familiar with clownossification ...

Smelling the Nose of Insincerity

March 22, 2007

I have an awful dictionary. I do not replace it. Why do I not replace it? Because my dictionary is Webster's NEW WORLD Dictionary and so I don't want to miss out on being part of the new world.

My dictionary describes the word jive as ...

Crawling in the Skin of the Snake

May 9, 2007
On a dry, balmy summer day, the skin of a snake is dry and not slimy. On a rainy, warm, summer night the skin of a snake is wet and slimy.

The same holds for ....

Mimes in the Bathroom

May, 15 2011
There is likely the widespread misperception that clowns like the company of others. The truth is that clowns are very private people (and I use the term "people" loosely). That is why they wear makeup and why mimes, ...More...

When Dilly Wugums Comes to Call

November 2, 2008

I take great comfort in statistics that bespeak the relative cleanliness of toilet seats. Therefore, I will not catch an embarrassing disease from public bathrooms.

My dog's name is Molly, therefore I have pickles between my toes.

I hate clowns, therefore you are in space.

No, no, [chuckle, chuckle] I'm not crazy. These seemingly irrational ...

The Dons of Fudge

November 22, 2006

The town rose up to meet him on that pivotal day in '47 when Don Kilwin strode in off the snowy plain, riding coat whipping in the cold Northern Michigan winter winds. Don Kilwin knew the odds were stacked against him. He knew it when he set off on foot, a hole already in his boot, from the Orinoco basin carrying only his dream and the Black Bean.

He knew, however, that he could not sit idly licking his lips in his tropical paradise knowing how she suffered in the frozen wastes of the deep north. He was, after all, not called Don for nothing, and it was time he lived up to that which was heaped upon him by the Amazonian Queen, Beanutt, ...

Classy Women

November 3, 2006

I somehow have come to believe that classy women are better than men. They certainly smell ...

Special Moments for a Lounge Lizard

October 13, 2006

I don't have time to be making "special moments."

Special moments are for special people, or for people who care. They are also for clowns. Clowns are neither special nor do they care, except the cubic ones. Cube-shaped clowns are special, but only because they are cubic.

If you cube a clown, you still only have one clown. In fact, no matter what power you give a clown, you will still only have one clown. Neither does a clown's specialness, if it is so blessed as to possess specialness, increase if you force an increase up its exponent.

And that brings us to today's topic. Special moments have a smell like ...

puzzleman

October 6, 2006

Hardy Puzzleman had a way about him with his workers that made them smell sweaty. He said they could call him anything they wanted to call him, but he clearly disliked being called "Pussleman," and so everyone called him Meister Puzzleman. Early in August, Meister Puzzleman was wooed by Ms. Velvet Helmet, CEO of Willikins and Shrood, the famous and now, I'm not at all sorry to say, defunct IT consulting firm. Upon the consummation of the seduction, Meister Puzzleman left his sweaty ...

Constamavis and the Justice of Partial Judgment

September 1, 2006

Constamavis smelled like pencils. It wasn't where she lived or worked, her lifestyle, detergent, or what she ate. It was the way she was made. Something peculiar to her body ...

I'll Be Having That My Way

September 14, 2007

Clowns are not happy with their bodies. That is why they paint their faces and wear big, baggy pants.

If you meet a clown in civilian dress on the street, you won't know it's a clown. If you meet a naked clown, you ...

Piggy Holds the Conch

September 18, 2009
p> Piggy holds the conch....

I once met a man who is determined to swim the Bering Strait. Unlike Lynne Cox who swam the Strait between Diomede Islands, about 2.5 miles apart, Mr. Stellant Gregory of 54 New Court Drive, proposes to swim the 50 or so miles between Alaska and Russia proper.

Mr. Gregory has been in training for his remarkable event since 1987, some 22 years for those educated in public school. He has invested approximately $737,239 in bagged ice ...

Captain Blog and the Crew of They

September 5, 2006

Captain Blog was lost at sea for his crew of They spoke only Bubbly.

If you are captain, you should choose a crew with which you can communicate. If you are not captain, you should be more concientious...